Ready yourselves - this is a bit of a rant, though it comes from a truly honest, inquisitive place.
This past weekend a popular non-eq tour held a casting call in New York City. The company made the decision ahead of time that they wouldn’t accept an unofficial list. Frustrating, but always a possibility. In lieu of this decision, hopeful actors began lining up at 10:30 PM the night before the call. It wouldn’t begin until 11 AM the next day. That’s 12 and a half hours before anyone would have a chance to sing one single note.
A few weeks ago a close friend of mine shared a fantastically funny (and very telling) anecdote with me. This charming gent (an Equity actor) got up at dark o’clock to get in line at a call that was sure to be popular, so as to be sure he would secure an appointment time. He was still a ways away from the Equity building when he came to the end of the line. A bit strange to have amassed such a group so early, he thought, but not altogether unlikely. So he got in line. Many minutes passed before he looked around and realized he was in line to receive food from a church doing it’s duty for the homeless of our city, NOT the line for the audition. …whoops.
I’m a brand new Equity member. I’m interested to hear from more experienced actors who have been auditioning longer than I have. Has it always been like this? Is there any other career that has us sleeping on the street for hours in the hopes of 90 seconds that MIGHT change our lives? I also want to caution my generation - the more we feed into this, this need to arrive earlier and earlier, the worse it will become. Where will we draw the line? Literally. Where does this complex come from, and what can we do to change it? Does anybody else wonder about the state of our audition process?
‘Till next time, think lovely thoughts.
So, NYC is just starting to get crazy for us thespians. Peak audition season hits hard early in the year and pretty much lasts from February to May-ish. This is the time during which folks line up in the cold at dark o’clock in the hopes of getting seen. (Side note: there should definitely be a rule as to how early people can line up and/or start lists. Any powerful folks that wanna get on that, I know tons of people who’d kiss your feet in appreciation.) It’s always busy, and can be incredibly overwhelming and frustrating. Or, if you want to put a positive spin on it, it can be really productive and a great chance to see some actor friends you haven’t had a chance to connect with in a while.
This week, after one of these crazy packed auditions, I headed over to another studio to take a look at the sides for another call I plan on attending in a few days. I’m scanning the scene, when I catch two words in the stage directions that make my insides flip - “fighting tears”. Oy. High stakes both for the audition and the scene. Awesome. I keep scanning and my stomach drops further into my knees - “giving into tears”.
This is the scene they chose. Of course it is. They want to see the emotional range of the actor. It’s not that I don’t understand why they did it, but from my perspective, it blows. I know I have all the tools to access that kind of emotion. I know this because once, in college, a beloved teacher of mine made me sing “Happy Birthday” to my dead dog and I became a snotty, weeping mess in a class full of my peers. I know this because I’ve done it. But in an audition room, reading with a stranger, I already feel tons of pressure to show my stuff. Not to mention, now all I can hear in my head is “Cry. You must cry. It says she cries. Think of Puzzles, and CRY.”
Do I really have to cry? Maybe not. There are tons of choices one could make to show that emotion without actually bringing yourself to tears. If I do cry, will they be more impressed with me? Maybe not. Especially since, in my given state, it will most likely be forced and unconvincing. I’m not saying that crying will make or break the audition. But, personally, those words flat out freak me out. And that over activity of my brain probably WILL make or break the audition.
So, now that I’ve dissected my inner most feelings about those 5 words (in the stage directions, no less!), I will go to this audition and give it my all. I may, or may not cry. But I hope those behind the table understand just how much overtime my brain has put in trying to make this work. Till next time, think lovely thoughts.
Welp… Clearly, I haven’t really gotten the hang of this blogging thing yet. Cuz it’s been over a month since my last post. Maybe I’ll try to add it to my ever-growing list of New Years Resolutions. It’s almost February you say? I say, shush.
MSG was wonderful, and the end of tour was the very definition of bittersweet. And now, here I am. Back in wintery NYC, auditioning and trying to be a productive actor while enjoying my time at home simultaneously. This is much more difficult than it sounds.
We’ve all heard of Catholic Guilt, right? There’s even Jewish Guilt, and Mom Guilt, and tons of other well known and talked about Guilt(s). I’m here to add another to your lexicon - Actor Guilt.
Being an actor bears a special form of self-torture. There’s only so much I can do to push myself and my career forward without spending every waking minute obsessing over my next move. Often times “being productive” includes sitting on my couch in my sweats scouring the internet for auditions while the Food Network drones on in the background. Call me crazy, but after a few hours of this I start to get pretty restless. Then I start thinking about all the things I could/should be doing. I should be spending more time at Lincoln Center watching shows I haven’t seen. I should look at some dance classes at BDC. I should spend some time at the Drama Bookshop looking for monologues. Why haven’t I found a voice teacher yet? The list goes on and on.
And don’t even get me started on the guilt that comes with actively choosing to not go to an audition. I have to tell myself constantly - just because I put it in my calendar, doesn’t mean I HAVE to go. Some days the thought of lugging my rep book, my dress, heels, dance clothes, makeup, and all the various other accoutrement (round trip) into the city to sing 16 bars makes my soul hurt.
I know I’m on the right track. I feel confident of that. I’m happy, my friends and family are fantastically supportive, and I’m definitely not a slacker when it comes to my career. (Though I can’t help but think of myself as one when I’m eating chips in my PJ’s and researching potential repertoire.) I’m almost positive I’m not the only one who gets these “I’m-not-pushing-myself-hard-enough-blues”, but I’m also sure that it’s rarely, if ever, true. I am more than an actor. I am a daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, niece, cousin, bookworm, rookie-foodie, nail-polish junkie, and an obsessive organizer (and that’s the short list). I need to make time for all those things, too. Otherwise, whenever I reach my career goals, whatever they may be, I will feel slightly empty for all the things I let fall by the way side. I know this about myself.
And so, back to the couch I go. I need more up tempos. Till next time, think lovely thoughts.
So, we open tomorrow at Madison Square Garden, and I thought I’d make a quick post about the multitude of feelings I’m feeling right about now.
Mostly terrified. Terrified to the point of my sub-conscious rebelling against me and rendering me completely irrational. Though I’m confident that will subside right about the time the cast and crew is reunited and settled in tomorrow afternoon. Once we’re all back together, I anticipate the thrill of heading back to Neverland for a final 3 weeks will far outweigh my fear of my first big New York performance.
I’m also grateful to have a wonderful new family to spend the upcoming holidays with, and I’m beyond excited about our Secret “Pan”ta’s (shout out to Shanon Mills-Habelow for putting that all together). I’m having so much fun coming up with little gift ideas for the poor soul who’s name I pulled (mwah-ha-ha, feel my over-enthusiastic holiday wrath.)
And finally, I’m feeling humbled and incredibly appreciative for my family and friends (old and new), who have rallied around me and shown so much support I might as well be weightless.
All of these feelings are accurately summed up in my current activity of poring through this pint of Haagen Daz Vanilla Swiss Almond, picking out all the almonds and ignoring the ice cream. A girl’s gotta have goals, right?
So… Bearing that in mind, “You just think lovely, wonderful thoughts, and UP YOU GO!”
When I was offered this tour my friend Scott congratulated me with the nicest, most humbling message. He said, “You are going to be a part of someone’s first theatre experience, and you will inspire a whole new generation of artists.” …No pressure or anything. Over the last few months I’ve come to realize that Scott touched on what would come to be the most rewarding part of this tour for me.
Every night when us Darling children are asleep in our beds, Tinkerbell makes her grand entrance and the audience turns electric. Every parent in the theatre is murmuring to their little ones to watch closely as Tink works her mischief and sets the stage for Peter to enter and whisk us off to Neverland. The moment is simple. No tricks, no gimmicks… Pure magic.
As for me, the magic started with my first Broadway show - Annie, starring Nell Carter as Ms. Hannigan. I was 9 years old and sat on the edge of my seat the entire time. Now, at 23, I’m sharing the stage with none other than James Leo Ryan (our wonderful Smee) - who just happened to play Rooster in that 1997 revival. 14 years later, he captures me every night and begs me to be his mother. Woah. Not to mention each and every other member of this cast, many of whom share a similar place as Jimmy in my childhood theatre experiences, and who I learn from every day.
I’m learning that every performance has the power to inspire. Every actor has the power to share the magic they felt when they first fell in love with theatre. And one day you may find yourself onstage with the very people who passed that along to you. That’s the true magic of theatre.
So, we’re currently on a 4 week layoff from Neverland, and I had a post planned out for the first half of it. But I’m going to put it off in favor of something else I’d like to share.
As many of you know, my little brother, Chris, is Autistic. Ever since we were little music and theatre was something we shared. I have committed to memory most, if not all, of “The Music Man”, “The Sound of Music”, and the entirety of the Uncle Tom’s Cabin sequence in “The King and I” because he played them so often (and memorized every bit himself). However, it’s always been hard to include Chris in the audiences of the shows I’ve performed in. The lights and sound were overwhelming, not to mention the possibility of a crying baby. And to subject him to the pressure of “behaving normally” when surrounded by hundreds of folks who might not understand his needs just doesn’t seem fair.
This past Sunday an organization called The Theatre Development Fund (http://www.tdf.org) held a special performance of “The Lion King” for members of the Autism community and their families. My brother went with one of his teachers, and the experience they had was beyond amazing. The amount of care and detail they put into the day was simply astounding. Before the day arrived, letters were sent out to families explaining the services that would be provided. They included a link to a complete social story families could use to prepare for the day. Once they arrived, there were behavioral specialists on hand to assist. They set aside rooms where you could go to take a break. Special diets were taken care of by allowing outside food and drink into the theatre. They altered lights and sound to accommodate sensory needs. The cast was prepared for the special circumstances, and they even included a print out in the playbill that showed the photos of the animated characters side by side with character photos from the production so they would be able to identify who was who.
Needless to say, the performance was sold out and the day was a complete success. My brother got to experience a Broadway show surrounded by his peers and in an environment that catered specifically to his needs.
Many thanks to the folks at the TDF for all the hard work they put into this initiative. Please visit http://www.tdf.org/TDF_ServicePage.aspx?id=128 for more info on the day.
Chris will be in the audience when we’re at Madison Square Garden in December, and I’ll be nervous to have my toughest critic there. After watching the DVD, he’ll know every line or note I miss. Thankfully, he won’t tell me.
‘Till next time, think lovely thoughts.
Well, hello there. This being my first blog post, I feel I should give a short introduction on my own behalf.
My name is Krista. I’m a young actor based in NYC, and I’m currently on tour with Cathy Rigby’s “Peter Pan”. I enjoy reading, cooking/eating, and not-so-long walks on the beach (because I’m not really into the over exertion of walking on sand). I’m a family kind of gal, and I have the most amazing, supportive friends, who I could not be more proud of.
I started this blog because I wanted to write about tour life - which turns out to be a lot simpler than one might expect, given the right frame of mind. And so, here we go!
We are currently in Jackson, Mississippi. My impression so far is that it isn’t as immediately inviting as other places we’ve been to, though the people are incredibly nice. I think it’s just an old city (“city” being a loose term, as it’s quite a small one), and perhaps it’s charm lies somewhere out of our reach. But we only have two shows here, and I intend to make them awesome. (BTW, just had major deja vu typing that last line. Weird.)
This is my first tour, and my first job as a member of Actor’s Equity, and I’ve been learning a lot, both about myself and the industry. Let’s start with something about myself though - more people in this country have seen me without a stitch of makeup in the last month and a half than I ever thought possible. I’ve never been much of a makeup wearer. I don’t even own a lipstick/gloss that wasn’t purchased for use onstage. But the stigma to cover up every imperfection isn’t lost on me. After all, I am a girl, and what girl doesn’t want to be pretty?
But being on tour has made me significantly less self conscious, and it’s not a change in confidence so much as a change in attitude. It’s not that I don’t care about my appearance. I do. But I can’t change what I have to work with, and sometimes it’s more important to grab that extra 15 minutes of sleep than to carefully apply mascara that will only smudge when you fall asleep on the plane anyway. And it’s nice to be among people who make me feel perfectly fine bare-faced and messy-haired.
However, I’ve also learned it’s definitely important to make an effort every once in a while. A cute pair of sandals or an awesome new accessory (I actually found a hat I LOVE) can go a long way when you spend most of your time in sweats and sneakers. But I’m happy to have learned that my self worth and confidence don’t have to change based on those things.
Well, there it is - my first post! I beg your patience while I figure out the in’s and out’s of this blogging thing. I promise I’m a fast learner. ’Till next time - think lovely thoughts.
